Taking Ownership: Look in the Mirror

I want to preface this post by forewarning you: This post will probably ruffle some feathers; may make you feel a little uncomfortable. I could probably write it in a nicer way, but I do not want to. I want your feathers to get ruffled. I want you to be a little uncomfortable. If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got. If you want to change, get out of your comfort zone. This post applies as much to me as it does to you.

I have spent a lot of time on forums, Facebook groups, listening to podcasts and talking with people about financial topics. I spend most of my time focusing on people who are just starting or looking to start their journey to financial freedom. I hear a lot of things that worry me, but the ones that worry me the most all fall into the same category: victim mentality. What is a victim mentality? It is the idea, the thought, that your situation is the result of external factors beyond your control. Now, before moving on, I realize that some people have been greatly affected by factors outside their control. Some people truly have been victims in situations, and to some extent, this discussion is not aimed at that. This about the much more common situations where people give up their sense of control.

Victim mentality is a mindset that shifts blame for your current situation from yourself to some external factor. Example: I lost my job due to COVID and now can’t pay my bills, all while ignoring the fact that I signed up for two car loans, ran up my credit cards, and decided to buy a house I could barely afford. It’s a protection mechanism for our own egos. If my situation is due to external factors, I don’t have to admit my own failures or shortcomings. I’ve heard a lot of it during COVID, but even before that it was house prices, stagnant incomes, cost of living, income disparity, wealth disparity… The list goes on and on. I’ve even complained about most of those at one time or another.

That’s not to say those things don’t exist. Statistically, you can prove that those problems are real. Some of them certainly are. But that just makes it more dangerous. Because they are real problems, it’s so easy for our brains to latch on to them as the reason for our problems. It gives life to the victim mentality, justifying it in our own minds.

But there is a HUGE problem with the victim mentality: it completely ignores the main reason most of us are in the situations we are in. That reason is staring you in mirror every morning. More than any of those external factors, I am responsible for my situation. Yes, things are going to happen to me. Life is not always going to be smooth, but I get to choose how I handle it. And my choices make a greater impact on my life than any of those external factors.

You see, a victim mentality is a short-term ego protection mechanism that does long-term harm to your life. Admitting that external factors are responsible for your situation also removes your ability (mentally) to control your destiny. In a recent study of 10,000 millionaires, Chris Hogan found that 97% believe they control their destiny. From a statistic perspective, 97% is basically all of them. When you believe that you control your destiny, you take time to make the right decisions. You start to think tactically and work towards a goal. You start to analyze how you spend your money and, critically, start to spend it in ways that further your financial goals. (By the way, this doesn’t just apply to finances, but to every part of our lives).

But believing that you control your destiny also means you have to take responsibility for your failures. So, most people don’t do it. They continue through life spending money they don’t have to buy things they don’t need (even though they convince themselves they do), and then they complain about how ‘a person just can’t get ahead in this economy.’

Are you ready to take ownership? Are you ready to face the person in the mirror? Or do you want to turn control of your life and your future over to whoever might be elected to the White House or the Governor’s Mansion? For the most part, your life and your future are in your own hands, just like your past was. We’ve all made mistakes, and we’ve all failed at one time or another. That’s part of being human. Take ownership of your mistakes, learn from them, and take control of your future. If you want your life to be better, the solution is right there in your mirror.

Photo by Alex Bramwell